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Sanity Savers and More...
May 2005

Greetings!

Greetings! Can you believe this is our fifth newsletter? Thank you for your incredible response and sharing your ideas and suggestions about what would be helpful in your everyday life.

Remember, to read more in depth articles about some of the newsletter issues, I hope you will click onto the full article link and let me know via e-mail which topics you would be interested in hearing more about. This is a way for me to keep you up to date about my current thoughts, Sanity Savers and information about articles and appearances. Please use the Send to a Friend button below to share this newsletter with others in your life.

On June 7th, Wedding Sanity Savers: How to Handle the Stickiest Dilemmas, Scrapes and Questions That Arise on the Road to Your Perfect Day co-authored with Annie Gilbar, will be available in bookstores. I will keep you informed about media appearances related to the book.

Wishing you health, peace and balance.

Dale

In this issue
  • SANITY SAVERS
    College Kids Coming Home for Vacation
  • Happening in May
  • Wedding Sanity Savers
    New Book with Annie Gilbar
  • TIPS
    Pre Wedding Jitters
  • I'm OK, You're My Parents
    Now in Paperback

  • SANITY SAVERS
    College Kids Coming Home for Vacation

    It's May and time for college students to return home. Before you panic, remember the major goal is to stay close and not alienate your soon-to-be young adult child.

    If you want your college student to come home and be comfortable, acknowledge that a passage has happened. Give them a lot of room. They are spreading their wings and it's a healthy time for exploration.

    Here are some other Sanity Savers for you to be aware of upon your child's return:

    • Establish new criteria hopefully a month before or right upon their return. Find middle ground between "old" rules and "no" rules. Think about paying bills, summer jobs, savings for the fall semester, neatness at home and sexuality issues regarding sleeping arrangements for visiting boy/girlfriends.
    • Respect their private lives as they should respect yours.
    • Do NOT roll the clock back. Both you and your returning college student have changed.
    • See the world through their eyes. Get to know who they are growing into and becoming.
    • Don't encourage regression. Making a habit of sleeping till 1:00pm is a problem. Kids have to learn to pace themselves.

    Trust, let go, kick back, relax and enjoy their visit. Remember this is time limited - at most 10 weeks!


    Happening in May

    May 2nd (9:45am)
    MSNBC News
    Commentary about Runaway Bride and Pre- Wedding Jitters

    May 2nd (8:00pm)
    ABC NEWS NOW "Inside the Newsroom"
    Commentary about Runaway Bride

    May 4-10th (11-2:00pm)
    Featured Wellness Speaker (Canyon Ranch at Sea)
    Queen Mary 2, Trans-Atlanic Crossing

    May 23rd (7-8:30pm)
    Teens & Anti-Semitism:What We Wish Our Parents Knew (ADL)
    The Conservative Synagogue, Westport, CT

    May 25th (8:00am Grand Rounds)
    Keeping Your Balance: Parents and Professionals Learning from One Another as They Provide the Best for a Population with Extra Needs
    Premium Health Care, NYC

    May/June 2005 Issue AARP Magazine
    Setting Limits: How to Strike the Right Balance Between Doing Too Much for Your Parents - And Not Doing Enough


    Wedding Sanity Savers
    New Book with Annie Gilbar

    My new book, co-authored with Annie Gilbar, Wedding Sanity Savers: How to Handle the Stickiest Dilemmas, Scrapes, and Questions that Arise on the Road to Your Perfect Day will be in bookstores on June 7th but you can pre-order it today by clicking below.

    Addressing the psychological pitfalls that go with getting married, Wedding Sanity Savers shares questions and answers from my advice column on WeddingChannel.com and offers brides, grooms and their families a helpful guide during the wedding process.


    TIPS
    Pre Wedding Jitters

    Given the recent headlines about the Runaway Bride, it's important that we focus on pre-wedding jitters that are not taken to the extreme.

    When someone announces their intentions to marry, the usual (and desired) response is joy, excitement, and immediately going into "planning" mode. Why, then, is there so much stress?

    Given that a wedding involves a) being asked to make a huge change in one's life; b) making both a decision and lifetime commitment; c) adjusting to your own and someone else's family; d) being the center of attention; e) compromising in areas where you feel strongly; and f) questioning if you will lose your identity, it is virtually impossible to glide through it flawlessly. However, it still can be interesting and fun.

    Here's how to keep an open mind:

    • Be aware of stress. When it appears, acknowledge it and find ways to manage it. People handle stress and change in a variety of ways. Be sensitive.
    • Recognize the phases in the wedding process. Everyone's adjustment process is different.
    • Plan as much as you can as early as you can so that you have some time to enjoy the process, your fiance, and other aspects of your life.
    • Get rid of needing things, people, services to be "perfect." Recognize that everything will not be perfect! And remember, there is a big difference between perfection and high standards.
    • Face your fears and write about them.
    • Ask questions about what it is like to be married. So many people focus only on the wedding and forget about what this is all about; building a life with someone you love.
    • Share and delegate some responsibilities to those you can trust. Don't let your friend hand dip the chocolate strawberries if she knows nothing about cooking/entertaining.
    • Slow Down. Stay in the moment. Practice some quieting exercise (meditation, walking, prayer, yoga) every day.


    I'm OK, You're My Parents
    Now in Paperback

    I'm Ok, You're My Parents: How to Overcome Guilt, Let Go of Anger, and Create a Relationship That Works is now in paperback!


    DALE V. ATKINS Ph.D. is a licensed psychologist, lecturer and media commentator who appears regularly on the Today show.

    She has more than twenty- five years of experience as a relationship expert, focusing on families, couples, parenting, aging well and stress management.

    Dr. Atkins is the author and/or co-editor of several books including Sisters; From the Heart: Men and Women Write Their Private Thoughts about their Private Lives; Families and their Hearing-Impaired Children; I'm OK, You're My Parents and the soon to be released Wedding Sanity Savers.

    Find out more....
    Quick Links...

    DrDaleAtkins.com

    Dale's Advice on Weddings at WeddingChannel.com

    Dale's Advice on Healthy Eating & Lifestyle at KathleenDaelemans.com

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