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Sanity Savers and More...
June 2005

Greetings!

I am so pleased to have reached the half year anniversary with the newsletter. This issue is dedicated to keeping BALANCE in our lives and relationships which is so important in today's busy world.

Thank you, again, for your valuable feedback. Your ideas help me to decide which topics to emphasize as helpful and healthful suggestions for improving our everyday lives. Please use the Send to a Friend button below to share this newsletter with friends, family and colleagues.

On June 7th, Wedding Sanity Savers: How to Handle the Stickiest Dilemmas, Scrapes and Questions That Arise on the Road to Your Perfect Day co-authored with Annie Gilbar, will be available in bookstores. I will keep you informed about media appearances related to the book.

Wishing you health, peace and balance.

Dale

In this issue
  • Sanity Savers
    Finding Balance in Everyday Life
  • Happenings in June
  • Wedding Sanity Savers
    In Bookstores on June 7th!
  • TIPS
    Money and Marriage
  • Cancer Etiquette
  • I'm OK, You're My Parents
    Now in Paperback

  • Sanity Savers
    Finding Balance in Everyday Life

    Balance is the key to life. When we're not in balance, every aspect of our life can become a challenge. Simple pleasures fail to satisfy us and we become less productive, have less energy and are weighed down by seemingly minor problems and disappointments. Even our health can suffer, as we tire more easily and normal sleeping and eating patterns change.

    Here are 10 Elements of Balance to incorporate into your everyday life to help you achieve and maintain a more even keel.

    • Love and Friendships - We all need connection with others. Put the effort into making all of your relationships healthy and satisfying.
    • Restful and Restorative Sleep - Recharge your batteries by getting sufficient sleep each night. Try to establish good sleeping patterns by going to bed and waking up the same time each day. To relax before bedtime, have soothing herbal tea and take an aromatic bath. Try to avoid watching TV, particularly the news just before dozing off.
    • Fulfilling and Meaningful Work - Fulfilling our purpose through our work, whether or not it is your "job", is one of the most important things we can do.
    • Play and Laugh - Everyone needs to have some fun!
    • A Healthy Diet - Eating well is a lifestyle decision. Make healthy choices daily so you can avoid the dieting yo-yo track and get the full benefit from your food.
    • Exercise and Body Awareness - Be active and find enjoyable ways to stay fit.
    • Communing with Nature - Get outdoors, breathe fresh air and enjoy the simple pleasures. A day at the beach, gardening, or a walk in the park are easy ways to include nature in your life.
    • Intellectual Stimulation - Find people who are interesting to be with, take a class or read about topics that fascinate you.
    • A Need for Unity and a Sense of Community - We all are part of a whole. Find ways to contribute toward the greater good. Volunteer for a worthy cause or charity.
    • Spirituality/Prayer/Meditation - Find inner quiet and peace through daily reflection. Develop your own spiritual relationship in a manner that is comfortable for you.

    REMEMBER to spend time with people who care about you and whom you care about; NOT with those who do not respect your values. DO NOT accept other people's opinions of who you should be.


    Happenings in June

    June 20th (8:00pm)
    AGING WELL (Bronx Net Channel 67)
    Call-In Questions (718) 960-7150

    June 23rd (12:30pm)
    COURT TV: Both Sides with Kimberly Guilfoyle Newsom and Vinnie Politan


    Wedding Sanity Savers
    In Bookstores on June 7th!

    My new book, co-authored with Annie Gilbar, Wedding Sanity Savers: How to Handle the Stickiest Dilemmas, Scrapes, and Questions that Arise on the Road to Your Perfect Day will be in bookstores on June 7th but you can pre-order it today by clicking below.

    Addressing the psychological pitfalls that go with getting married, Wedding Sanity Savers shares questions and answers from my advice column on WeddingChannel.com and offers brides, grooms and their families a helpful guide during the wedding process.


    TIPS
    Money and Marriage

    For many couples money is a touchy topic. There is no one right answer or formula for everyone. How to deal with money situations and what to do if you and your partner are not aligned is a challenge. Therefore, it is important to make an effort to recognize an imbalance, communicate, and make one another feel more comfortable.

    For a really strong relationship to thrive, the focus should not be about money. The BALANCE of the relationship (rather than the balance sheet) is what is vital to the flourishing of a marriage. When things get out of balance, trouble brews. The key for all couples is to resist outside pressures of what is expected and create what works for them.

    Here are some TIPS for you and your partner to discuss on the topic of money.

    • Find out if either of you is uncomfortable talking about issues related to money.
    • Determine and designate income, savings and debt that is "ours", "yours" and "mine" and how to adjust if circumstances change.
    • Focus on each other's "financial" strengths and build trust in each other's ability to make sound financial decisions. One of you might be a "numbers" person and can balance the checkbook while the other may be better at overseeing financing/investing decisions.
    • Discuss how you feel about being equal partners in your relationship regardless of who makes more money. Determine how much decision making authority each of you should have.
    • Have financial and lifestyle goals and map out a plan on how to achieve them.
    • Encourage each other's growth and career development with an awareness of the amount of money those career choices will reap.
    • Discuss any future plans to take time off work to attend school or pursue other interests and who would be financially responsible.
    • Make a plan for raising a family. Who will work full time, part time or not at all? Determine what you will save and pay for, for example your children's education, their first car, etc. Think about how you will share household chores and child care.
    • Make a household budget both of you are comfortable with. What percentage of your income goes to necessities, discretionary spending and savings? Determine if you'll have one budget (sharing all income and expenses) or more budgets (household and individual accounts).
    • Discuss the need for a prenuptial or postnuptial agreement as soon as possible. Delay in bringing up the subject only adds stress to the relationship.
    • Money matters should be private. Be aware of potential problems when discussing financial issues with parents.
    • Earmark what portion of your income is for charity and helping others.

    The goal is not that you and your partner agree on everything, but that each partner feels valued, heard, understood and appreciated. Review your financial commitments periodically to see they accurately reflect your present points of view.


    Cancer Etiquette

    Many of you have asked me what to say when a friend, colleague or loved one is sick. Cancer Etiquette, a new book by Rosanne Kalick, will help you when you're at a loss for words if someone you know has been diagnosed with cancer.


    I'm OK, You're My Parents
    Now in Paperback

    I'm Ok, You're My Parents: How to Overcome Guilt, Let Go of Anger, and Create a Relationship That Works is now in paperback!


    DALE V. ATKINS Ph.D. is a licensed psychologist, lecturer and media commentator who appears regularly on the Today show.

    She has more than twenty- five years of experience as a relationship expert, focusing on families, couples, parenting, aging well and stress management.

    Dr. Atkins is the author and/or co-editor of several books including Sisters; From the Heart: Men and Women Write Their Private Thoughts about their Private Lives; Families and their Hearing-Impaired Children; I'm OK, You're My Parents and the soon to be released Wedding Sanity Savers.

    Find out more....
    Quick Links...

    DrDaleAtkins.com

    Dale's Advice on Weddings at WeddingChannel.com

    Dale's Advice on Healthy Eating & Lifestyle at KathleenDaelemans.com

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