Do you know anyone getting married? My new book
(co-authored with Annie Gilbar), Wedding Sanity
Savers is the book for them (and everyone in
their family and bridal party.) Nobody should lose
their sanity over a wedding and this is the book that
will prevent that. In this edition of the newsletter I
am celebrating marriage and families coming together.
As the intense summer heat blankets the country, it
makes sense to be more mindful of how to take care
of yourself. And it is not only about staying
hydrated. Walk slowly, consider how you spend your
time outside, and be mindful of both the positive and
ill effects of air conditioning! Rushing into cool spaces
from intense heat can play havoc with your own
system. Remember, it is all about
With this 8th newsletter, I continue to be grateful for
your encouraging feedback and will incorporate your
questions and concerns into the sanity savers and
tips. Please pass along this newsletter to your
loved ones and colleagues by clicking Send to a
Friend button below.
Wishing you health, peace and balance.
|Wedding Sanity Savers
NEED A GREAT BRIDAL GIFT?
My newest book, co-authored with Annie
Gilbar, Wedding Sanity Savers:
How to Handle the Stickiest Dilemmas, Scrapes, and
Questions that Arise on the Road to Your Perfect
Day is the handbook every bride (and anyone
who is close to her) needs.
This is THE GUIDE for the emotional ride through all
stages of the wedding process.
Becoming a step-family is not easy but yet can be
very gratifying. Among the elements involved are:
time, patience, careful planning, flexibility, humor, a
willingness to listen to and accept various (and often
conflicting) points of view, habits, histories, rituals
Many step-families attempt to “blend” together.
not fruit drinks. Rather the goal is to integrate each
member of this new family while maintaining an
appreciation for the unique aspects of each individual.
capable of closely bonding with many people.
Carefully thought out, there can be room for each
adult to play a significant role in the child's life.
There is no such thing as an instant family or instant
love. Everyone, particularly the children (and a lot
depends on the age and expectations), needs to deal
with the issue of loss and change from their previous
families. Over time this new family needs to define
itself with its own traditions, rituals and personality.
This can only happen when everyone risks emotional
Here are 6 sanity saver points that focus on healthy
- Step-families need time to adjust to the
new roles, new personalities, new rules and
expectations, and new ways of relating.
- Step-parents are not replacement parents
and can offer their step-children experiences
outlooks that are different and new. Be sure to make
time to connect with one another individually AND as
a family. Everyone has his or her own time table.
is no ONE way to become comfortable as a
- Adjustment to a new step-family situation
takes time, patience, understanding and
empathy. Accept the myriad feelings you have
as a member of a step-family and appreciate that
these feelings are not always positive and that
- Communicate openly and respectfully
about expectations, chores, discipline, rules,
differences in traditions and styles, morals and
- Nurture the marriage to help set a loving
model for your new family. Find couple time.
- This is a learning experience. You can
learn alot about yourself from your new step-family
and each person involved. Be open.
|Dr. Dale on the TODAY Show
August 1st, Monday, 9:00 Hour
Topic: In-Law Relationships
August (Date and Time TBD)
Topic: Empty Nesters
Loving your Spouse and Loving your Children
Having a strong, dynamic, vital love
relationship with your spouse is a wonderful gift to
give your children. The love you feel for your spouse
and the love you feel for your children are different
kinds of love. And you have plenty for each.
There need not be a competition. Don’t get
hung up with whether you love your spouse more or
less than your children. It is futile to ponder whether
you would save your children or your spouse if you
were in a sinking boat. What is
important is not to pit
your spouse and your children against one another
and to make one feel “less loved” than the other.
It is all about balance. Here are some tips to
keep balance in your marriage while raising a family:
- Stay Connected - Be playful, open and
stimulate desire. Touch base
with each other during the day and after a long
- Try New Things Together - Work
for a cause, take a class, do
something you have never done before or something
you let slide that you did when you first met.
- Problem Solve Together - If one of you
has a problem with the other it
becomes a problem for both of you. Find ways to
work it out respectfully.
- Be Nice to Each Other - Don’t take each
other or the marriage for granted. Be respectful,
appreciative and helpful.
- Talk About Things Other Than the Kids -
Current events, classes, community activities, your
future, your values.
- Remember What's Important to Your
Spouse - Take interest in what your spouse
values and be aware of what he or she finds
- Have a Fixed Bedtime for your Children
- Create rituals around bedtime such as reading out
loud, talking about the day or cuddling.
Reserve the rest of the evening for your spouse.
Children need structure and parents need private
- Carve out "Couple Time” - Stay away
from the internet, t.v. and cell phone.
Don’t be afraid to lock your bedroom
door or use a do not disturb sign. Explain to your kids
that mom and dad need private time and shouldn’t be
disturbed unless there's an emergency.
Teach your children how to respect your
- Hire a Baby-Sitter or Exchange Child Care
Another Parent - Plan dates. Unless you put it
calendar, it won’t happen. Get away for an overnight
- Demonstrate Your Love for Your Spouse as
Your Children - Everyone needs a hug, a kiss
hearing "I love you".
|I'm OK, You're My Parents
Now in Paperback
I'm Ok, You're My Parents: How to
Guilt, Let Go of Anger, and Create a Relationship
That Works is now in paperback!
DALE V. ATKINS Ph.D. is a licensed psychologist,
lecturer and media commentator who appears
on the Today show.
She has more than twenty-
years of experience as a relationship expert,
focusing on families, couples, parenting, aging well
and stress management.
Dr. Atkins is the author
and/or co-editor of several books including
Sisters; From the Heart: Men and
Their Private Thoughts about their Private Lives;
Families and their Hearing-Impaired Children;
OK, You're My Parents and the soon to be
Wedding Sanity Savers.
Find out more....