As we look around we are aware of the
beginnings of Spring. With that
awareness, why not think of our own new
beginnings; for the way we live with the
people we care about and the way we live with
ourselves. Begin this Spring with a new
attitude about your relationship and your
In Making Marriages Work, I discuss
focusing on acceptance, communication and
bringing your best self to your relationship.
In this month's
tips, Using Your Past, I suggest
revisiting your past to learn about the
strengths you can rely on in the present.
Once again thank you for helping to get the
word out about Sanity Savers: Tips for Women
to Live a Balanced Life.
Check my website, www.drdaleatkins.com
for updates on my appearances related to my
newest book, Sanity
Savers: Tips for Women to Live a Balanced
Life. For those of you with wedding related
questions, please see my column on
WeddingChannel.com at: www.weddingchannel.com/ui/buildArticle.action?assetUID=90252&s=84&t=71&p=106184112&c=90252&l=137006.
And if you
me to speak to your group or organization,
please contact me directly at
email@example.com or contact the
Speakers' Bureau at HarperCollins.
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Wishing you health, peace and balance.
|Sanity Savers: Tips for Women to Live a Balanced Life
SANITY SAVERS: Tips for Women to
Balanced Life is in bookstores and
with suggestions to save
every day of the year.
A must for any woman
seeking to find her balance!
Making Marriages Work
Too often, people give their best selves to
their work colleagues or to their friends,
but when they are at home they are no longer
kind, considerate, polite, and interested in
their spouse's life. If you give your "all"
at the office and you are "nowhere to be
found" at home, being with you may just be
too much of an effort for your partner.
For many couples, marriage is
challenging because with busy
schedules, people often have difficulty
dedicating their time and attention to their
partner and relationship. They frequently do
not understand that marriage takes focus,
energy, and work, and familiar role
not provide positive interactions.
Where to begin? With communication.
Communication is not just talking. It's also
nurturing the relationship with
thoughts, feelings, touch, eye movement, and
Be conscious of how you are communicating in
every manner. Make the effort to hear
what your partner is saying, as well as
conveying to them what you are about. Talk
about the big things (the kids' school, how
much money you spend on vacation, who will
take care of your aging mother, and who is
footing the bill for a rehab facility for
cousin Sue). Also pay attention to
you say, how you say it, and how critical you
are. If someone is judged and criticized
they will likely not be as eager to hear what
you have to say. Be
sure to communicate what you appreciate and
are grateful for regarding your partner and
your life together. Then the positives and
negatives will be in balance.
Equally important is the need for
Everybody (including you) has their "stuff."
If you only focus on the difficulties and
disappointments in your relationship, you
are likely to be unhappy. Understand and
accept that you are not going to change
this person. As long as no one
is devaluing you or treating you badly, learn
patience, tolerance, forgiveness and please
a sense of humor. Appreciate
if the difference is something you have
difficulty accepting. The person you are with
is a whole person who has aspects that are
wonderful for you and aspects that are
challenging. Figure out how you are going to
deal with them in ways that are healthy for
you and will enhance your relationship.
Couples have to put limits on the multiple
intrusions they have in their relationships.
Aside from children, parents (who may be
ill), community responsibilities and work
overflowing into home time, there is the
magnificent technology that allows us to have
the capacity to connect with hundreds of
people at a moment's notice. However, what
does this do to your primary relationship?
Time is a precious resource, and couples need
UNINTERRUPTED time to connect
We also need to make time for sex. With
people commuting long hours and working hard,
work and home life can blend together.
Inertia sets in making it more
difficult to turn off work, friends, family,
and turn each other on. Weeks, months, go by
and you have not been sexual with each other.
Be mindful. Be sensuous. Even if you don't
have sex, touch one another. Be playful. Remind
each other what it's like to be aroused.
There doesn't have to be mad sexual passion
all the time, but at least give yourselves
the chance to connect. Expressing your
sexuality as a couple reminds you of the
connection you have to your partner that
is uniquely yours. Don't let it fall by the
Think about what made your relationship
special when you were first together.
that you really ARE invested in each other -
you made a
commitment and getting to know one another
and continuing to support each other is
living that commitment.
Put energy into your relationship. People
change; lovingly encourage their growth. Put
your best self
and share THAT self with your partner.
TODAY Show (NBC)
Please check website, www.drdaleatkins.com,
About Women Program
April 2nd: 8pm: Moderator, "Having it
Charles Simon Center, 92nd St. YM-YWHA, New
NYU Child Study Center
April 14th: 12PM: Supervisors Luncheon
Speaker, Topic: I'm OK, You're My Parents
New York, NY
April 23rd: 12 - 2:00PM: Featured
Speaker: Sanity Savers: Live a Balanced
4 East 60th Street, New York, NY
Info at Harmonieclub.org
April 2008 issue: Guest Relationship
John Edward Cross Country (WE TV)
A Good Daily Habit
Seek Personal Growth Daily
In the daily routine of your life, seek
knowledge, adventure, and friendship. Do not
confine yourself to a familiar road,
traveling along paths others have gone or
mapped out for you. Periodically leave the
familiar path. Be adventurous. Find your
element; never stop searching. It is all
By changing your attitude you can try things
you thought you were "unable" to do and have
experiences that will open your mind to
|Sanity SaversTM TIPS
Using Your Past:
An Opportunity for Learning and for Growth
Maturity, experience, and perspective all
contribute to our ability to move through
life as a learning experience.
Revisiting the past can be a boost to one's
happiness and well being. You may have heard
"forget the past," "it's over," "move on"
well meaning friends. Their advice is not all
bad. Dwelling on the past
can be unproductive and unhealthy.
However, using your past as an
opportunity for learning, growth, and self
examination can be enormously helpful. It can
also contribute to resilience. Try to
recall an event and how you handled it. Faced
with the same situation today, with your present
experience, insight and perspective , imagine
how you would process and
handle the experience. What would you think,
feel, do, or say differently?
Focusing on your past experiences and paying
attention to the sources of your personal
strength can help you learn what you can do
when you need to be resilient in different life
By exploring answers to the
following questions about yourself and your
reactions to challenging life events, you may
discover how you can respond effectively to
trials in your life.
- Review Stressful Events - What
types of events were the most stressful for
you? Typically, how have you been affected by
those life events?
- Recall Helpful People - Is it
helpful to recall important people in your
life when you feel distressed? Whom have you
found it helpful to reach out to for support
when facing and working
through a traumatic or taxing experience?
- Reexamine The Lessons Learned -
What have you learned about yourself, your
moods, and your interactions with others
during these particularly challenging times?
Has it been helpful for you to assist
someone else going through a similar
- Consider What Worked - If you have
been able to overcome obstacles, how do you
do it? Are these strategies healthy and
helpful to you
Develop Hope - In the past, what
has helped make you feel optimistic about the
future? What do you need to do today to
develop hope for lies ahead?
"Fall seven times, stand up eight."
DALE V. ATKINS Ph.D. is a licensed psychologist,
lecturer and commentator in the media who
on the Today show.
She has more than twenty-
years of experience and focuses on living a
life, parenting, aging well, managing stress,
work transitions, family connections and healthy
Dr. Atkins is the author
and/or co-editor of several books including:
Their Private Thoughts about their Private
Families and their Hearing-Impaired
OK, You're My Parents
Let Go of Anger and Create a Relationship that
Wedding Sanity Savers
Handle the Stickiest Dilemmas, Scrapes and
Questions that Arise on the Road to Your Perfect
book . . .
Savers: Tips for Women to
Find out more....
As Seen on the TODAY SHOW!
Wedding Sanity Savers
How to Handle the Stickiest Dilemmas, Scrapes and Questions that Arise on the Road to Your Perfect Day
You're My Parents
How to Overcome Guilt, Let Go of Anger, and Create a Relationship That Works
Now in Paperback!