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Sanity SaversTM and More...
April 2008

Greetings!

As we look around we are aware of the beginnings of Spring. With that awareness, why not think of our own new beginnings; for the way we live with the people we care about and the way we live with ourselves. Begin this Spring with a new attitude about your relationship and your past.

In Making Marriages Work, I discuss focusing on acceptance, communication and bringing your best self to your relationship.

In this month's tips, Using Your Past, I suggest revisiting your past to learn about the strengths you can rely on in the present.

Once again thank you for helping to get the word out about Sanity Savers: Tips for Women to Live a Balanced Life.

Check my website, www.drdaleatkins.com for updates on my appearances related to my newest book, Sanity Savers: Tips for Women to Live a Balanced Life. For those of you with wedding related questions, please see my column on WeddingChannel.com at: www.weddingchannel.com/ui/buildArticle.action?assetUID=90252&s=84&t=71&p=106184112&c=90252&l=137006. And if you would like me to speak to your group or organization, please contact me directly at dale@drdaleatkins.com or contact the Speakers' Bureau at HarperCollins.

I appreciate you sharing this newsletter with your friends, loved ones and colleagues by clicking Send to a Friend button below.

Wishing you health, peace and balance.

Dale

In this issue
  • Sanity Savers: Tips for Women to Live a Balanced Life
    In Bookstores!
  • Sanity SaversTM
    Making Marriages Work
  • Happenings
  • Sanity SaversTM
    A Good Daily Habit
  • Sanity SaversTM TIPS
    Using Your Past:
    An Opportunity for Learning and for Growth
  • A Thought

  • Sanity Savers: Tips for Women to Live a Balanced Life
    In Bookstores!
    SS Book Cover

    SANITY SAVERS: Tips for Women to Live A Balanced Life is in bookstores and is filled with suggestions to save your sanity every day of the year.

    A must for any woman seeking to find her balance!


    Sanity SaversTM
    Making Marriages Work

    Too often, people give their best selves to their work colleagues or to their friends, but when they are at home they are no longer kind, considerate, polite, and interested in their spouse's life. If you give your "all" at the office and you are "nowhere to be found" at home, being with you may just be too much of an effort for your partner.

    For many couples, marriage is challenging because with busy schedules, people often have difficulty dedicating their time and attention to their partner and relationship. They frequently do not understand that marriage takes focus, energy, and work, and familiar role models may not provide positive interactions.

    Where to begin? With communication. Communication is not just talking. It's also nurturing the relationship with thoughts, feelings, touch, eye movement, and facial expression. Be conscious of how you are communicating in every manner. Make the effort to hear what your partner is saying, as well as conveying to them what you are about. Talk about the big things (the kids' school, how much money you spend on vacation, who will take care of your aging mother, and who is footing the bill for a rehab facility for cousin Sue). Also pay attention to what you say, how you say it, and how critical you are. If someone is judged and criticized they will likely not be as eager to hear what you have to say. Be sure to communicate what you appreciate and are grateful for regarding your partner and your life together. Then the positives and negatives will be in balance.

    Equally important is the need for tolerance. Everybody (including you) has their "stuff." If you only focus on the difficulties and disappointments in your relationship, you are likely to be unhappy. Understand and accept that you are not going to change this person. As long as no one is devaluing you or treating you badly, learn patience, tolerance, forgiveness and please develop a sense of humor. Appreciate difference, even if the difference is something you have difficulty accepting. The person you are with is a whole person who has aspects that are wonderful for you and aspects that are challenging. Figure out how you are going to deal with them in ways that are healthy for you and will enhance your relationship.

    Couples have to put limits on the multiple intrusions they have in their relationships. Aside from children, parents (who may be ill), community responsibilities and work overflowing into home time, there is the magnificent technology that allows us to have the capacity to connect with hundreds of people at a moment's notice. However, what does this do to your primary relationship? Time is a precious resource, and couples need UNINTERRUPTED time to connect with each other.

    We also need to make time for sex. With people commuting long hours and working hard, work and home life can blend together. Inertia sets in making it more difficult to turn off work, friends, family, and turn each other on. Weeks, months, go by and you have not been sexual with each other. Be mindful. Be sensuous. Even if you don't have sex, touch one another. Be playful. Remind each other what it's like to be aroused. There doesn't have to be mad sexual passion all the time, but at least give yourselves the chance to connect. Expressing your sexuality as a couple reminds you of the special connection you have to your partner that is uniquely yours. Don't let it fall by the wayside.

    Think about what made your relationship special when you were first together. Remember that you really ARE invested in each other - you made a commitment and getting to know one another and continuing to support each other is living that commitment. Put energy into your relationship. People change; lovingly encourage their growth. Put your best self out there and share THAT self with your partner.


    Happenings

    TODAY Show (NBC)
    Please check website, www.drdaleatkins.com, for updated listings.

    About Women Program
    April 2nd: 8pm: Moderator, "Having it All"
    Charles Simon Center, 92nd St. YM-YWHA, New York, NY

    NYU Child Study Center
    April 14th: 12PM: Supervisors Luncheon Speaker, Topic: I'm OK, You're My Parents
    New York, NY

    Harmonie Club
    April 23rd: 12 - 2:00PM: Featured Speaker: Sanity Savers: Live a Balanced Life
    4 East 60th Street, New York, NY
    Info at Harmonieclub.org

    Cosmopolitan Magazine
    April 2008 issue: Guest Relationship Expert

    John Edward Cross Country (WE TV)
    Children and Grief





    Sanity SaversTM
    A Good Daily Habit

    Seek Personal Growth Daily

    In the daily routine of your life, seek knowledge, adventure, and friendship. Do not confine yourself to a familiar road, traveling along paths others have gone or mapped out for you. Periodically leave the familiar path. Be adventurous. Find your element; never stop searching. It is all about growth!

    By changing your attitude you can try things you thought you were "unable" to do and have experiences that will open your mind to incredible experiences.


    Sanity SaversTM TIPS
    Using Your Past:
    An Opportunity for Learning and for Growth

    Maturity, experience, and perspective all contribute to our ability to move through life as a learning experience. Revisiting the past can be a boost to one's happiness and well being. You may have heard "forget the past," "it's over," "move on" from well meaning friends. Their advice is not all bad. Dwelling on the past can be unproductive and unhealthy.

    However, using your past as an opportunity for learning, growth, and self examination can be enormously helpful. It can also contribute to resilience. Try to recall an event and how you handled it. Faced with the same situation today, with your present experience, insight and perspective , imagine how you would process and handle the experience. What would you think, feel, do, or say differently?

    Focusing on your past experiences and paying attention to the sources of your personal strength can help you learn what you can do when you need to be resilient in different life situations.

    By exploring answers to the following questions about yourself and your reactions to challenging life events, you may discover how you can respond effectively to trials in your life.

    • Review Stressful Events - What types of events were the most stressful for you? Typically, how have you been affected by those life events?

    • Recall Helpful People - Is it helpful to recall important people in your life when you feel distressed? Whom have you found it helpful to reach out to for support when facing and working through a traumatic or taxing experience?

    • Reexamine The Lessons Learned - What have you learned about yourself, your moods, and your interactions with others during these particularly challenging times? Has it been helpful for you to assist someone else going through a similar experience?

    • Consider What Worked - If you have been able to overcome obstacles, how do you do it? Are these strategies healthy and helpful to you today?

    • Develop Hope - In the past, what has helped make you feel optimistic about the future? What do you need to do today to develop hope for lies ahead?


    A Thought

    "Fall seven times, stand up eight."

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    DALE V. ATKINS Ph.D. is a licensed psychologist, lecturer and commentator in the media who appears on the Today show.

    She has more than twenty- five years of experience and focuses on living a balanced life, parenting, aging well, managing stress, life & work transitions, family connections and healthy relationships.

    Dr. Atkins is the author and/or co-editor of several books including:

  • Sisters
  • From the Heart:
    Men and Women Write Their Private Thoughts about their Private Lives
  • Families and their Hearing-Impaired Children
  • I'm OK, You're My Parents
    How to Overcome Guilt, Let Go of Anger and Create a Relationship that Works
  • Wedding Sanity Savers
    How to Handle the Stickiest Dilemmas, Scrapes and Questions that Arise on the Road to Your Perfect Day.
  • And her new book . . .

  • Sanity Savers: Tips for Women to Live a Balanced Life
  • .

    Find out more....
    Quick Links...

    DrDaleAtkins.com

    BloomOnLine.com
    Dr. Dale's Sanity Savers for a Balanced Life

    KathleenDaelemans.com
    Dr. Dale's Healthy Eating & Lifestyle Advice

    WeddingChannel.com
    Dr. Dale's Wedding Advice

    Contact Us

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    I'm OK
    You're My Parents
    How to Overcome Guilt, Let Go of Anger, and Create a Relationship That Works

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