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Sanity SaversTM and More...
April 2009

Greetings!

In Helping Someone Who is Being Abused I discuss the value of and ways to be helpful to someone whom you suspect is on the receiving end in a violent relationship.

In Tips for Determining What is Important I offer suggestions for keeping the things that help to feed your soul in a high priority position in your life.

As you may know, Jumpstart is a national early education nonprofit organization that pairs caring adults with underserved preschoolers in year long one-to-one mentoring relationships. Visit www.jstart.org to learn more about Jumpstart and events. If you would like to make a contribution, you may do so at www.jstart.org/don ate.

Once again thank you for helping to get the word out about Sanity Savers: Tips for Women to Live a Balanced Life.

Check my website, www.drdaleatkins. com for updates on my appearances related to my newest book, Sanity Savers: Tips for Women to Live a Balanced Life. For those of you with wedding related questions, please see my column on WeddingChannel.com at: www.weddingchannel.com/ui/buildArtic l e.action? assetUID=90252&s=84&t=71&p=106184112&c=9025 2&l=137006. And if you would like me to speak to your group or organization, please contact me directly at dale@drdaleatkins.com or contact the Speakers' Bureau at HarperCollins.

I appreciate you sharing this newsletter with your friends, loved ones and colleagues by clicking Send to a Friend button below.

Wishing you health, peace and balance.

Dale

In this issue
  • Sanity Savers: Tips for Women to Live a Balanced Life
    In Bookstores!
  • Sanity SaversTM
    Helping Someone Who is Being Abused
  • Happenings
  • Sanity SaversTM
    A Good Daily Habit
  • Sanity SaversTM TIPS
    Prioritizing:
    Tips For Determining What Is Important
  • A Thought

  • Sanity Savers: Tips for Women to Live a Balanced Life
    In Bookstores!
    SS Book Cover

    SANITY SAVERS: Tips for Women to Live A Balanced Life is in bookstores and is filled with suggestions to save your sanity every day of the year.

    A must for any woman seeking to find her balance!


    Sanity SaversTM
    Helping Someone Who is Being Abused

    You may or may not know that some of the people in your life may be facing violence at home. Whether you are a family member, a friend, or a colleague, you can help to halt the abuse. Domestic abuse is rarely a one-time event; it usually happens more often and gets worse.

    It's impossible to know with certainty what goes on behind closed doors, but there are some telltale signs and symptoms of domestic violence and abuse that can help to alert you. If you witness a number of warning signs in a friend, family member, or co-worker, you can reasonably suspect domestic abuse.

    Warning signs include: frequent injuries, with the excuse of "accidents;" frequent and sudden absences from work or school; frequent, harassing phone calls from their partner; fear of their partner, references to their partner's anger; personality changes; excessive fear of conflict; submissive behavior, lack of assertiveness; depression, crying, and low self-esteem.

    You can help in a number of ways. Offer support, information and resources such as a fact-sheet from a local domestic violence program. Remember to respect that it is the person's decision about what, if anything, they will do next. In this way you help the person you care about put control of their life back in their own hands and not in the hands of the abuser.

    Another way you can help is to focus on this person's strengths. Often the victim of domestic abuse is continually told that he or she is a bad person, stupid, useless, incapable of doing anything right. Told this often enough, they begin to believe it. Give them emotional support by verbalizing what you like about them. Emphasize that they have a right to have a life free from fear, intimidation, violence or abuse.

    Finally, help this person devise a safety plan. Let them know that help is available. They may decide to remain in the violent relationship or return to the abuser after a temporary separation, which is not unusual. Do not pressure them to leave, but let them know that you fear for their safety and that of their children. See if you can help this person consider how dangerous the violence may be. Help them develop a plan of action for when the abuse happens again. Encourage them to: keep a list of people to call at the next occurrence and prepare a hidden, packed bag with clothes and copies of important documents, cash, and the address of a shelter.

    If you suspect domestic violence, gently find a way to help. Everyone deserves a life with safety respect.


    Happenings

    TODAY Show (NBC)
    Please check www.drdaleatkins.co m for current appearances.

    CT Dept. of Public Health: 2009 Early Hearing Detection & Intervention Symposium
    April 21: 9:00AM - 10:30AM, Speaker, Topic: Delivering Difficult News in a Positive Way: Relaying Hearing Results to Parents;
    Hilton Garden Inn, 555 Corporate Dr., Windsor, CT.
    For further information, please contact the CT Dept. of Public Health at 860-509-8057

    Rachel Coalition
    April 22: 6;30PM - 8:30PM, Speaker, Topic: Healthy Relationships in the Challenging Economic Times;
    Michaelian and Kohlberg, 315 B Springfield Ave., Summit, NJ

    Hear Dr. Atkins on the radio show, The M Word, hosted by Lori Sackler, WOR News Talk Radio 710, Sunday evenings 9:30PM EST.


    Sanity SaversTM
    A Good Daily Habit

    Living With Uncertainty in the World

    How much more can you take? One more newscast about bank failures or the worsening economy and you will just go through the roof!

    When your tolerance level is low and current events get you down, save your sanity and give yourself a boost by taking a break from the news.

    Since you can't control the events that happen in the world, focus on what is possible and think about how you can control certain aspects of your life instead. Stay connected to people and things that interest you - this is important for adaptation and flexibility to new demands. Accept change but keep practicing your beliefs.

    When dealing with the world's uncertainty, focus on what makes you have hope and feel resilient.


    Sanity SaversTM TIPS
    Prioritizing:
    Tips For Determining What Is Important

    At a time when we have so much going on and there are competing priorities pulling us in different directions, it is easy to lose sight of those things that are of real importance. We may find our daily lives consumed with errands, chores, and worries that deplete us, and we put off creating time to prioritize those activities which sustain us. The result can be a less happy outlook on life.

    The effort to bring more satisfaction in our daily lives requires deliberate, consistent choice. This does not have to be difficult, although it may feel that way when we contemplate saying "no" to those nagging activities that "eat" into our time. We CAN develop the habit of choosing what's vitally important over what is less so.

    Here are some tips to get you started:

    • Think About What You Would Like To Do - Which activities do you dream about doing but never seem to find the time? Reading for pleasure? Taking a leisurely hike? Attending a retreat? Traveling? Write them down and keep them foremost in your mind.

    • Decide What Activities Must Be Done - These include things you simply cannot ignore, like going to work, paying the mortgage, and raising a family.

    • Carefully Examine and Cut Out Some of the Other Activities - This may not be easy at first, but it is important. Those activities that don't NEED to be done or do not feed your soul will take valuable time from your life that you COULD devote to what counts.

    • Remember That Other People's Priorities (and Dramas) Need Not be Yours - It is easy to be drawn into someone else's life and needs. Only you can decide who is the recipient of your precious time and attention. Just make sure that this does not ALWAYS happen at the expense of focusing on your priorities.

      When you attend to what is important to you, you will begin to fill your days with thoughts, feelings, and activities that refresh and sustain you. By prioritizing activities, you can live a life with purpose, curiosity and passion.


    A Thought

    You cannot prevent the birds of sorrow from flying over your head, but you can prevent them from building nests in your hair.

    Chinese Proverb


    DALE V. ATKINS Ph.D. is a licensed psychologist, lecturer and commentator in the media who appears on the Today show.

    She has more than twenty- five years of experience and focuses on living a balanced life, parenting, aging well, managing stress, life & work transitions, family connections and healthy relationships.

    Dr. Atkins is the author and/or co-editor of several books including:

  • Sisters
  • From the Heart:
    Men and Women Write Their Private Thoughts about their Private Lives
  • Families and their Hearing-Impaired Children
  • I'm OK, You're My Parents
    How to Overcome Guilt, Let Go of Anger and Create a Relationship that Works
  • Wedding Sanity Savers
    How to Handle the Stickiest Dilemmas, Scrapes and Questions that Arise on the Road to Your Perfect Day.
  • And her new book . . .

  • Sanity Savers: Tips for Women to Live a Balanced Life
  • .

    Find out more....
    Quick Links...

    DrDaleAtkins.com

    BloomOnLine.com
    Dr. Dale's Sanity Savers for a Balanced Life

    KathleenDaelemans.com
    Dr. Dale's Healthy Eating & Lifestyle Advice

    WeddingChannel.com
    Dr. Dale's Wedding Advice

    Contact Us

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    I'm OK
    You're My Parents
    How to Overcome Guilt, Let Go of Anger, and Create a Relationship That Works

    Now in Paperback!




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