In Keeping Yourself Healthy During
I discuss the importance of maintaining your
health as you deal with seasonal challenges.
In Tips For Setting Limits With Parents
I offer suggestions to help adult children
find the balance between doing too much for
their parents and not doing enough.
WE CAN ALL ADDRESS THE LITERACY CRISIS IN THIS
COUNTRY. Jumpstart is a national
early education nonprofit organization that
pairs caring adults with underserved
preschoolers in year long one-to-one
mentoring relationships. Visit www.jstart.org
to learn more about Jumpstart and events.
THE MAYOR OF NEW YORK HAS PROCLAIMED THAT
OCTOBER 8, 2009 IS OFFICIALLY READ FOR THE
RECORD DAY IN NYC.
If you would like to make a contribution,
you may do so at www.jstart.org/don
Once again thank you for helping to get the
word out about Sanity Savers: Tips for
Women to Live a Balanced Life.
Check my website, www.drdaleatkins.
updates on my appearances. For
wedding-related questions, please click on
the link for the Wedding Channel on the side
bar of this newsletter.
And if you would like me to speak to your
group or organization, please contact me
directly at firstname.lastname@example.org or contact
the Speakers' Bureau at
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Wishing you health, peace and balance.
|Sanity Savers: Tips for Women to Live a Balanced Life
SANITY SAVERS: Tips for Women to
Balanced Life is in bookstores and
with suggestions to save
every day of the year.
A must for any woman
seeking to find her balance!
Keeping Yourself Healthy During Transitions
As we transition from summer to fall, it is
helpful to focus on keeping ourselves
healthy. Seasonal changes often affect people
physically, emotionally, as well as
spiritually. Be conscious of your physical,
mental, and emotional responses as you shift
from your "summer mode" into fall.
Unreasonable expectations (ours or someone
else's) can interfere with our taking care of
ourselves in ways that we may have discovered
benefited us during the summer. Perhaps you
discovered that by reserving a few extra
moments to lie in bed you were able to
consciously consider that which you are
grateful for. You may have discovered, this
past summer, that you enjoyed a pace that was
just slow enough to notice that which
eludes you during the rest of the year. Or
maybe you made an effort to really listen to
those people who are important to you.
During this summer you may have even turned
off your BlackBerry and cell phone during
meals, story time, or while watching a movie
with the family.
Understand that during any transition you
will likely feel different from how you
normally feel. Allow yourself to listen to
what is going on within. Quiet yourself and
just pay attention. Change can
a sense of uneasiness. You may feel anxious
or exuberant or any and all feelings along
the spectrum. Change and transition are
challenges and opportunities. Although you
may feel hesitant about what lies ahead, know
that you can develop a positive, "can do"
attitude which will help you go forward or
deal with whatever is on your plate.
TODAY Show (NBC)
Sept. 3, 9:15AM: Helping Friends Get
Out of Abusive Relationships.
Please check website, www.drdaleatkins.com,
See Dr. Atkins' and E. Mencher's article,
Are You a Buttinsky?, in Reform
Fall 2009/5769, pg. 8. www.reformjudaismmag.org.
There is also a complimentary discussion
guide offering thoughtful questions for
See Dr. Atkins' article, Sanity Savers for
a Balanced Life, in Black Tie Magazine,
Volume 7, Issue 1, pg. 64. www.blacktiemagazine.com
Hear Dr. Atkins on the radio
show, The M Word, hosted by Lori Sackler,
WOR News Talk Radio 710, Sunday evenings
A Good Daily Habit
Reviewing Your Day
At the end of every day, spend a few minutes
looking back on what you did, what went well,
what went wrong, what you will do differently
if you have a second chance. Review your goals
and the progress (or lack thereof) you've
No day is perfect, but you can learn from
every situation. Do not forget to acknowledge
and celebrate your successes. A journal would
be a great way to capitalize best on this
|Sanity SaversTM TIPS
Tips For Striking A Balance With Parents
For our aging parents, there is often a huge
gap between what is perceived as a crucial
"need" and what is a "want." Parents' demands
can trigger elemental fears. - the looming
specter of their mortality, the scary
knowledge that a parent's decline brings us a
step closer to our own old age. By facing
these fears we can defuse them and put
ourselves back in control, enabling us to
negotiate and set necessary limits with our
You can find the appropriate balance for you
with doing too much and not doing enough for
your parents. Consider the following tips:
- Do Pack Your "Baggage"
- Often parents' demands create extreme
feelings of guilt about the times we've hurt
them. We may also harbor resentment about
the times they hurt us. Either or both can
contribute to our misinterpretation of our
- Don't Settle Old Scores - No
matter how neglectful or cruel your parents
were when you were growing up, their dotage
is not a time for payback. Show them
compassion and respect, whether or not you
feel they deserve it. This is a mark of your
adulthood and depth of character.
- Don't Mistake Money for Caring -
People who confuse the two often come from
families where money was a defining issue.
Nobody is too old to change. It is possible
that even those parents who valued money
above all else will appreciate outward
expressions of love.
- Do Make Fun A Priority - Many
people mistake quantity for quality when it
comes to spending time with their parents.
Consider spending less time with them and
make sure those hours are truly satisfying.
Or, if proximity allows, shorter amounts of
time at more frequent intervals may work for
you. Plan activities that will bring you
together as human beings. If possible, hire
people who can help with routine chores and
save your time and energy for more meaningful
interactions. This is not to imply that
"routine chores" cannot be meaningful. They
can be IF you have a positive attitude.
- Do Say No Gently - It's not easy,
especially when we're faced with a request
we're not prepared to argue against. It can
even take practice. Enlist a spouse or friend
to role play a scenario in which your parents
make an unreasonable demand. Write your
dialogue in advance, supplying your helper
with a list of your parents' usual responses
Remember that our parents' aging is not easy,
either for them or for us. Deal with the
feelings you have and be available to discuss
what some of the fears may be that get in the
way of your being fully present for your
parents in ways that are comfortable for both
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where
he stands in moments of comfort and
convenience, but where he stands at times of
challenge and controversy."
Martin Luther King Jr.
DALE V. ATKINS Ph.D. is a licensed psychologist,
lecturer and commentator in the media who
on the Today show.
She has more than twenty-
years of experience and focuses on living a
life, parenting, aging well, managing stress,
work transitions, family connections and healthy
Dr. Atkins is the author
and/or co-editor of several books including:
Their Private Thoughts about their Private
Families and their Hearing-Impaired
OK, You're My Parents
Let Go of Anger and Create a Relationship that
Wedding Sanity Savers
Handle the Stickiest Dilemmas, Scrapes and
Questions that Arise on the Road to Your Perfect
book . . .
Savers: Tips for Women to
Find out more....
As Seen on the TODAY SHOW!
Wedding Sanity Savers
How to Handle the Stickiest Dilemmas, Scrapes and Questions that Arise on the Road to Your Perfect Day
You're My Parents
How to Overcome Guilt, Let Go of Anger, and Create a Relationship That Works
Now in Paperback!