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Sanity SaversTM and More...
October 2009

Greetings!

In The Importance of Extended Family Relationships to Children I discuss the value that family members play as role models and providers of familial information.

In Tips for Discussing Money Matters with your Partner I offer suggestions to guide couples in opening a dialogue about money and preserving their relationship, particularly during these challenging financial times.

WE CAN ALL ADDRESS THE LITERACY CRISIS IN THIS COUNTRY. Jumpstart is a national early education nonprofit organization that pairs caring adults with underserved preschoolers in year long one-to-one mentoring relationships. Visit www.jstart.org to learn more about Jumpstart and events. THE MAYOR OF NEW YORK HAS PROCLAIMED THAT OCTOBER 8, 2009 IS OFFICIALLY READ FOR THE RECORD DAY IN NYC. If you would like to make a contribution, you may do so at www.jstart.org/don ate.

Once again thank you for helping to get the word out about Sanity Savers: Tips for Women to Live a Balanced Life.

Check my website, www.drdaleatkins. com for updates on my appearances. For wedding-related questions, please click on the link for the Wedding Channel on the side bar of this newsletter. And if you would like me to speak to your group or organization, please contact me directly at dale@drdaleatkins.com or contact the Speakers' Bureau at HarperCollins.

I appreciate you sharing this newsletter with your friends, loved ones, and colleagues by clicking Send to a Friend button below.

Wishing you health, peace and balance.

Dale

In this issue
  • Sanity Savers: Tips for Women to Live a Balanced Life
    In Bookstores!
  • Sanity SaversTM
    The Importance of Extended Family Relationships to Children
  • Happenings
  • Sanity SaversTM
    A Good Daily Habit
  • Sanity SaversTM TIPS
    Money
    Tips For Discussing Finances with your Partner
  • A Thought

  • Sanity Savers: Tips for Women to Live a Balanced Life
    In Bookstores!
    SS Book Cover

    SANITY SAVERS: Tips for Women to Live A Balanced Life is in bookstores and is filled with suggestions to save your sanity every day of the year.

    A must for any woman seeking to find her balance!


    Sanity SaversTM
    The Importance of Extended Family Relationships to Children

    Extended familial relationships can play significant roles in children's lives. Whether you are a grandparent, aunt, uncle, cousin, or godparent, you can fill a valuable role. As an active listener and storyteller, you can expose children to the family history, legacy, and experiences they would not have with their parents.

    Each individual offers a fresh and different perspective. Extended family members contribute their unique views on life which reflects their values. Children get the benefit of learning about their family from other points of view. They also can appreciate different personalities and lifestyles in what will hopefully be a loving environment. These extended family members offer separate and valued relationships that provide a window to another generation, time, and way of looking at the world.

    If you are a grandparent, uncle, aunt or cousin, you must remember that you are not the child's parent. Parents and extended family members need to have reasonable expectations regarding roles, responsibilities, and decision making. With young children, there is often an expectation that other family members can and will perform childcare responsibilities that may or may not be appropriate or possible. Sometimes, because of their own needs, parents do not realize or appreciate how physically and emotionally tiring it can be to care for young children, especially when those giving the care are older people (even if those older people are in great shape and seem younger than their years). Consider what is feasible and clarify with all family members what will or will not work so that you can avoid misunderstandings and resentments.

    Extended family members need to be there in a positive, supportive way for children and one way to do that is to avoid talking badly about the children's parents (especially when there is a divorce.) Family members must be respectful and stay out of parenting issues. If you are not the primary parent and you see something that you feel needs to come to the attention of the parents, raise it uncritically and compassionately. Leave the children out of it.

    Look for ways to form strong bonds with children by doing things together, even if you are miles away. Be in touch regularly and be aware of what is going on in their lives. Share what you are doing and how you spend your days. Find out what the child's interests, hobbies, favorite activities are learn about them.

    Respect the privacy of the family and understand that you will be more valued when you are someone the children want to be with. Be loving, fun, flexible, interesting, accepting, uncritical and filled with joy. The children will find you irresistible.


    Happenings

    TODAY Show (NBC)
    Oct. 9th: Rebounding from Setbacks.
    Please check website, www.drdaleatkins.com, for the most current updates.

    Teen Activities Forum
    Oct. 19th: 7-9PM. Keynote Speaker. Topic: How to Help Your Teen Find Balance.
    Columbia High School, 17 Parker Ave., Maplewood, NJ.

    Access Circles Oct. 20th: Raising Financially Responsible Kids
    Greenwich, CT.
    Please consult website, www.drdaleatkins.com, for place and time.

    Center for Hearing and Communication
    Nov. 4th: 6-7:30PM. Featured Speaker: Finding and Keeping a Life in Balance.
    50 Broadway, 6th Floor, New York, NY.
    Please visit www.chchearing.org for early registration.

    See Dr. Atkins' and Rabbi E. Mencher's article, Are You a Buttinsky?, in Reform Judaism Magazine, Fall 2009/5769, pg. 8. www.reformjudaismmag.org. There is also a complimentary discussion guide offering thoughtful questions for conversation.

    See Dr. Atkins' article, Sanity Savers for a Balanced Life, in Black Tie Magazine, Volume 7, Issue 1, pg. 64. www.blacktiemagazine.com

    Hear Dr. Atkins on the radio show, The M Word, hosted by Lori Sackler, WOR News Talk Radio 710, Sunday evenings 9:30PM EST.


    Sanity SaversTM
    A Good Daily Habit

    Drink Enough Water

    As simple as it seems, the benefits of drinking water are powerful. Water is the one key ingredient to health. All functions within the body require the presence of water, and a well hydrated body enables these functions to occur quickly and efficiently. Since chemical processes involve energy metabolism drinking plenty of water will make us feel more energetic.


    Sanity SaversTM TIPS
    Money
    Tips For Discussing Finances with your Partner

    Can women and men talk about money without ending up in an argument? Money is an emotionally loaded topic that few couples discuss directly. However, many individuals have a troubled relationship with money and sooner or later it is bound to become a potentially explosive issue in a relationship.

    In order to have a productive discussion, here are some tips to guide you in your approach:

    • Always Be Respectful - Avoid diminishing your partner. Don't become accusatory. Find a non-stressful time when money is not a loaded issue. Agree on some ground rules: no interrupting each other; no long tirades; no insults.

    • Share Childhood Messages About Money - Discuss how your parents saved, spent, and talked about it. How did they deal with allowances? What specific money messages did you get and how might they be affecting you today?

    • Share Your Old Hurts, Resentments and Fears About Money - Mention your concerns and fears about your partner's money style. Then acknowledge what you admire about their methods. Positive statements help to make partners feel safe enough to give up the negative aspects of their behavior.

    • Talk About Your Goals for the Future - Share your hopes and dreams. Then consider making a shared budget or a spending plan together by merging the hopes and goals that have come on your list more than once.

    • Talk Regularly - Set a time to have the next money talk. Aim for weekly conversations in the beginning, then monthly ones.


    A Thought

    "Despite everything, I believe that people are really good at heart. "

    Anne Frank


    DALE V. ATKINS Ph.D. is a licensed psychologist, lecturer and commentator in the media who appears on the Today show.

    She has more than twenty- five years of experience and focuses on living a balanced life, parenting, aging well, managing stress, life & work transitions, family connections and healthy relationships.

    Dr. Atkins is the author and/or co-editor of several books including:

  • Sisters
  • From the Heart:
    Men and Women Write Their Private Thoughts about their Private Lives
  • Families and their Hearing-Impaired Children
  • I'm OK, You're My Parents
    How to Overcome Guilt, Let Go of Anger and Create a Relationship that Works
  • Wedding Sanity Savers
    How to Handle the Stickiest Dilemmas, Scrapes and Questions that Arise on the Road to Your Perfect Day.
  • And her newest book . . .

  • Sanity Savers: Tips for Women to Live a Balanced Life
  • .

    Find out more....
    Quick Links...

    DrDaleAtkins.com

    BloomOnLine.com
    Dr. Dale's Sanity Savers for a Balanced Life

    KathleenDaelemans.com
    Dr. Dale's Healthy Eating & Lifestyle Advice

    WeddingChannel.com
    Dr. Dale's Wedding Advice

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    I'm OK
    You're My Parents
    How to Overcome Guilt, Let Go of Anger, and Create a Relationship That Works

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