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Sanity SaversTM and More...
July 2012

Greetings!

In Tackling Something for the First Time, I discuss how valuable it is to do things for the first time and to allow yourself to respect and enjoy the "learning curve".

In Tips for Making Amends, I remind us about the value of taking responsibility for "mistakes" we make whether they are things we do and say intentionally or unintentionally.

I invite you to visit my new website, www.drdaleatkins.com for information and updates about my professional interests, thoughts, and engagements. I am available to speak to your group or organization. Please contact me directly at dale@drdaleatkins.com or contact the Speakers' Bureau at HarperCollins.

I appreciate you sharing this newsletter with your friends, loved ones, and colleagues by clicking Send to a Friend button below.

Wishing you health, peace and balance.

Dale

In this issue
  • Sanity SaversTM
    Tackling Something For The First Time
  • Sanity SaversTM
    A Good Daily Habit
  • Sanity SaversTM TIPS

    Tips For Making Amends
  • Happenings
  • Sanity Savers: Tips for Women to Live a Balanced Life
  • JUMPSTART
  • A Thought

  • Sanity SaversTM
    Tackling Something For The First Time
    mountain view from sky

    A first of anything is not easy. Most things worth doing require, practice, determination and effort. I once heard someone say, "If I don't die the first time, most likely I will do it again". Most of us worry about whatever it is we are doing for the first time, putting pressure on ourselves to succeed the first time we try something. In anticipation of whatever it is, we "over-think" the experience.

    Sometimes, this happens because we want to make a good first impression. (Who doesn't want to make a good first impression?) Yet under pressure, we are more likely to fumble. Whether it is a first date, first day of school, first day on the job, first interview, first visit at the house of a mourner, first night alone, first dance, first dinner on your own, first time in a new city, first time fishing, first public speech, first golf game, first singing, art, or piano lesson we need to remember that it takes practice to develop skill. Our worth is not determined by whether something comes easily to us on the first try, yet many of us give up after a first try, convinced that "this is not for me."

    How is it that we KNOW (and we advise others) that when we do something for the first time it is unlikely we will do it well (and when we do, we call it "beginner's luck")? Even though we know the first of anything is difficult, that practice is what we need, whether it is in dating, softball, cooking, playing chess, we badger and criticize ourselves for not being "better," getting it "faster," being perfectly calm, cool, comfortable. This just adds to the stress. As the pressure mounts, we lose (instead of gain) confidence and may, because we did not do so well the first time, shy away from something we could have done well and enjoyed.

    Actually, adding "first time " experiences can add dimension and depth to your life. Trying things or approaches that are different, out of the box, unusual for us, offers chances not only for new opportunities but to look at life from a different perspective. Going out of our comfort zone, taking a risk, helps us discover more about our self in ways we never expected. Being aware of the learning process give us permission to absorb what we need to know without such pressure.

    As we move forward in our many "firsts," consider:

    Be yourself. Be at ease. Be non-judgmental. Give yourself some leeway. Try and try and try again after the FIRST attempt.


    Sanity SaversTM
    A Good Daily Habit
    butterfly in azalea

    Give My Regards To...

    We all have heard the phrase, "don't shoot the messenger." For centuries, official bearers of bad news were at risk of receiving the wrath of the person receiving the message. We are told that during the Middle Ages if the King or Queen did not like the message delivered to them, it was good enough reason to kill the messenger.

    Today, when you ask someone to "send my regards," (which is typically from a place of care and concern) be aware that you may be putting the messenger in an awkward and even risky position. If someone asks to "send my regards" to a person you are visiting who is ill or in mourning, the recipient may be too overwhelmed (or even insulted) to receive "greetings by proxy" or as one recipient said, "I don't want second hand wishes." Instead of a simple thank you, the recipient may wonder (aloud to the messenger) why the sender did not call or send a card or an e-mail to them directly, thus putting the messenger in a difficult spot.

    When possible, strive for direct personal communication.


    Sanity SaversTM TIPS

    Tips For Making Amends
    asian couple apologizing

    We all make mistakes. If you're like every other human, you may make an unfortunate decision or a hurtful remark, perhaps unintentionally. You may put your foot in your mouth, do something that was not considerate, or snap at someone if you are having a bad day.

    Whatever mistake you may make, big or small, do not act as if it did not happen. Deal with it. Immediately assume responsibility for it and try, earnestly, to understand the effects of what you did. Do whatever you can to make the situation right. Apologize, make restitution, offer assistance. If you follow any religious guidelines, you will probably try to make amends in a way that is comfortable for you morally - but do it, and quickly.

    Below I offer a few tips to guide your actions:

    Don't Deny Your Act. - The bigger part of taking responsibility is acceptance. Once you accept that you did, in fact, make a mistake, you are one step closer to becoming a stronger, more authentic person.

    A Mistake Is Not an Obituary. - You are human, alive, and worthy. Rectify the mistake and live your life.

    Avoid Repeating the Mistake. - Find ways to learn from what you said or did, be conscious about how you can avoid behaving similarly in the future, and then find ways, when faced with a similar situation, to act or react differently.

    Do Many Acts of Kindness. - It will be easier and more meaningful to move on with your life if you focus on how you are going to offset the balance of what you did or said.

    Choose actions, deeds, and words that will make you proud of yourself. Live each day with the guidance of Dr. Seuss: "Today I shall behave as if this is the day I will be remembered."


    Happenings

    TODAY Show (NBC).
    Dr. Atkins is a frequent contributor.
    Please check website, www.drdaleatkins.com, for latest updates, including changes of time.

    Dr. Atkins comments on breaking news for CNN's HLN. Please check HLNtv.com for updates.

    A.G. Bell 2012 Convention
    June 30-July 1: Keynote Speaker, June 30th: 8-10AM;
    June 30th: 3-:3:45 pm book signing;
    and, Moderator of Panel: Are You Listening to Me?
    July 1st: 10-11:30 am: Moderator o fPanel: Never Surrender Your Dreams.
    Westin Kierland Resort, Scottsdale, AZ.
    To register or learn more, visit www.agbell.org/Convention.

    Access Circles
    July 26 - July 29: Speaker, Inter-generational Family Issues;
    Viceroy Hotel, Snowmass, CO.

    Volta Voices Cover Story
    Connect with Dr. Dale Atkins, written by Susan Boswell. January/February 2012 issue.
    Published by Alexander Graham Bell Association for the Deaf and Hard of Hearing.

    TC Today Magazine
    Dr. Atkins is the focus of Work - Life Balance, written by James Reisler in the December, 2011 issue. A PDF of the article is available on www.drdaleatkins.com.

    About.com
    Topics by Dr. Dale Atkins:
    Tips for Getting Along with In-Laws: http://video.about.com/marriage/Tips-for-Getting-Along-With-In-Laws.htm;
    Warning Signs of a Troubled Marriage: http://video.about.com/marriage/Warning-Signs-of-a-Troubled-Marriage.htm;
    Issues to Deal with before Marriage: http://video.about.com/marriage/Types-of-Issues-to-Deal-With-Before-Getting-Married.htm;
    Warning Signs of Cheating Spouse: http://video.about.com/marriage/Warning-Signs-of-Cheating-Spouses.htm; Tips for Maintaining Interfaith Marriages: http://video.about.com/marriage/Tips-for-Maintaining-Interfaith-Marriages.htm;
    Tips for Growing Old Together
    :
    http://video.about.com/marriage/Tips-for-Growing-Old-Together.htm;
    and, Most Important Questions to Ask Before Getting Married: http://video.about.com/marriage/Most-Important-Questions-to-Ask-Before-Getting-Married.htm
    .

    Visit Marlo Thomas' site to access my relationship column and Mondays with Marlo video stream. http://marlothomas.aol.com/search/?q=dale+atkins

    Read Dr. Atkins' chapter, "Therapeutic Issues with Recipients of Cochlear Implants," in the new text, Psychotherapy With Deaf Clients From Diverse Groups, Second Edition.
    Edited by Irene Leigh, and published by Gallaudet University Press.

    Read Dr. Atkins' chapter, "Family Involvement and Counseling in Serving Children Who Possess Impaired Hearing," in the new text, Introduction to Aural Rehabilitation.
    Edited by Raymond H. Hull, and published by Plural Publishing.

    I invite you to visit my website to access archives of articles and interviews on line.

    My sincere thanks to website developer, Barry Brothers, who, along with Carina Ramirez Cahan, brought vision and positive, creative energy to the site. Do take a look at Barry's work here: http://www.thelimulusgroup.com/bb and consider him for your business, development, design and communication needs.


    Sanity Savers: Tips for Women to Live a Balanced Life

    SANITY SAVERS: Tips for Women to Live A Balanced Life is filled with suggestions to save your sanity every day of the year.

    A must for any woman seeking to find her balance!

    Once again thank you for continuing to read and talk about Sanity Savers: Tips for Women to Live a Balanced Life.


    JUMPSTART

    WE CAN ALL ADDRESS THE LITERACY CRISIS IN THIS COUNTRY. Jumpstart is a national early education nonprofit organization that pairs well-trained, caring adults with underserved preschoolers who live in poverty in year long mentoring relationships. I was honored to be Jumpstart's Read for the Record's National Spokesperson on NBC's Today Show this past Fall and to have moderated a panel of Jumpstart's founders on February 22nd at the Yale Club in NYC. Jumpstart's Scribbles to Novels www.jstart.org/scribblesnyc, event took place on May 8th at Cipriani Wall Street. We were joined by Wes Moore, Tina Fey (who was interviewed by Gayle King) and other acclaimed and entertaining authors who celebrate the written word and support Jumpstart's programming in the tri-state area and around the country.

    Please help to spread the word about the mission of Jumpstart and the remarkable strides being made in low income neighborhoods every day. Please, if you can, contribute by clicking on www.jstart.org/donate www.jstart.org/donate. There is something that every single one of us can do to help those less fortunate. Over one million children live below the poverty level in the U.S. This shameful situation must change. Each of us has a responsibility to repair our world. Let us eliminate the 2-year achievement gap that exists between children from low income and those from middle income neighborhoods when they begin kindergarten!

    Visit www.jstart.org to learn more about Jumpstart initiatives - such as Scribbles to Novels; Playdate With A Purpose; and Read for the Record.


    A Thought

    "Kindness in words creates confidence, Kindness in thinking creates profoundness, Kindness in giving creates love."

    Lao-Tse


    coral sweater 1

    DALE V. ATKINS Ph.D. is a licensed psychologist, lecturer and commentator in the media who appears on the Today show.

    She has more than twenty- five years of experience and focuses on living a balanced life, parenting, aging well, managing stress, life & work transitions, family connections and healthy relationships.

    Dr. Atkins is the author and/or co-editor of several books including:

  • Sisters
  • From the Heart:
    Men and Women Write Their Private Thoughts about their Private Lives
  • Families and their Hearing-Impaired Children
  • I'm OK, You're My Parents
    How to Overcome Guilt, Let Go of Anger and Create a Relationship that Works
  • Wedding Sanity Savers
    How to Handle the Stickiest Dilemmas, Scrapes and Questions that Arise on the Road to Your Perfect Day.
  • And her newest book . . .

  • Sanity Savers: Tips for Women to Live a Balanced Life
  • Find out more....
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    MarloThomas.com

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    WeddingChannel.com
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